Introducing Elijah Swift's first installment in a multi-part series exclusively at financialtrader.com.

The “Hitler and Buffet” Health Care Insurance Plan

by Elijah Swift

Now these two names are rarely ever linked together: Adolph Hitler and Warren Buffet. But its time to look at their most successful business models, particularly as it relates to the disadvantaged in society with respect to health care and insurance.
 

Few people realize that when Warren Buffet was younger he learned business models, efficiency, and investing while dandling on the knees of Adolph Hitler. Truly, Hitler understood insurance and social Darwinism and shared these same secrets with Buffet. So, if Buffet profited so handsomely as the richest man in America, mostly from the insurance industry, I think we should all take note of the methods.

Many red state tax welfare recipients argue that government should not be in the insurance business, yet these are the same states and people that buy government funded flood insurance and government subsidized crop insurance. Apparently, they either want to keep the government hand outs all to themselves, or they are simply unaware that the reason the government provides this insurance in the first place is that no one in the private sector will write these policies: they simply are not that profitable.
 

What to do with these health care Troglodytes and Palanites, tell them the truth as told by Moses?

Moses walked into God’s office slapping his forehead saying, “Lord, Warren Buffet and 12 health care insurance lobbyists are outside the Pearly Gates!”

God asks, “What’s the problem?”

Moses says he’d never seen Buffett or health care insurance lobbyists at the Pearly gates before.

God tells him to go and see if any of them deserve to enter heaven.

Moses goes off, but is back almost immediately and says “They’ve gone!”

"What, all of them?”

“No, the Pearly Gates!”

More iron clad logic is presented by a real representative that is not owned by the insurance lobby, U.S. Rep. Dennis Kucinich, from Ohio.

"One out of every three dollars in our current health care system goes for corporate profits, stock options, executive salaries, advertising, marketing, the cost of paperwork," Kucinich said. "If you took the money that's being wasted and put it into a not-for-profit system, you'd suddenly have enough money to cover every American." "We're not starting from scratch," Kucinich said. "We're starting in a ditch. And the ditch is that Americans are being driven into poverty by a health care system that is for-profit."

But Mr. Kucinich failed to read the corruption sign post ahead as reported by the Guardian.

“At the same time, as anti-lobbying watchdog groups have pointed out, money has been flowing to the group's members from the healthcare industry in the form of campaign contributions. Blue Dog Democrats have collected more money than any other congressional grouping this year, with more than half the cash coming from healthcare businesses or the insurance and financial services sector.”

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/aug/09/obama-healthcare-reform-defeat

In other words, the “Hitler and Buffet” business model is at work.  Anyone smell sweet money here?  These are easy picken' profits folks, and the best business model never uttered anywhere in the world, except on the Street, of course. This remains an absolutely risk free business model and investment for all pension funds, mutual funds, and institutional investors too--but for a few nagging scriptures right out of the hypocrites own hymnbook.

EX 22.22 Do not take advantage of a widow or an orphan. 23 If you do and they cry out to me, I will certainly hear their cry. 24 My anger will be aroused, and I will kill you with the sword; your wives will become widows and your children fatherless.

Do I even need to mention the lame, the halt, and the blind?  Oh, but wait, neither political party really cares about their wives and children anyway. 

I present in rapid fashion the primary tenants that would-be insurance billionaires, investors, and future world megalomaniacs need to comprehend.

1 Don't pay the insurance claims in the first place. Who has not run into this tactic?

2 Kick the cane and dog out from under the blind and watch 'em walk in circles.

3 The old and cripple can't defend themselves anyway, so why carry the dead weight at all?

4 The beauty of Economic Darwinism is that we rid ourselves of the most costly, inefficient resources. Not human beings, of course, rather resources; always demonize 'em it works every time.

5 Mug the guy in the wheel chair with a complex insurance policy and watch 'em flail away at the air like a June bug kicking on the its back.

6 Unplug that costly patients oxygen tank and listen to 'em wheeze.

7 Uncork those hearing aids and watch 'em go 'huh'?

8 Round up those old people for that special caring home similar to the old roach motel, the aged come in but never get out....

9 Cannibalize number 8 above (Soyent Green too) and sell as highly profitable dog food, Hitler did.

10 Most importantly, buy a pair of asbestos underwear for your next destination, they will come in handy.

Please forward this article to the following email at the Whitehouse.

flag@whitehouse.gov

I wish I had "calibrated those words differently."

Elijah Swift

Former Students of Success Speak Out

By Elijah Swift at Financialtrader.com, 8.2.2009

A subtle conversation I overheard between a titan of industry and several of my former students, who later went on to become successful AIG, Bank of America, Goldman Sachs, Lehman, Fannie Mae, and Freddie Mac executives, among others.

Let me share some wisdom with you, crime pays and pays big in America. So if you want to make some serious dough, listen up!

First things first, you need to get an education, and while prisons offer free education you'll get what you pay for, so get a masters of business administration degree, otherwise known as the MBA. That way you will be able to administer someone else's business and you know what that means, right?

It means there is a pot of gold there, just waiting for you to nab: gorgeous, glittering bling bling. But wait, it does not matter if you are not a good student, because I can teach you how to cheat your way through like 60% of business students do every day. That's right, some other square eyes will be doing your studying while your out fornicating and debauching. Sounds good, no?
 

No? Not NBA, I said MBA, listen, there are only 100 NBA jobs out there, but there are thousands of Fortune 1000 jobs. See that? They even call it what it is, man, a fortune. And you can steal for much longer than you can play an NBA career. Still with me? I knew you would be.

Search for one of those Ivy League schools first. Almost all of the other students there have the same vision as you and those schools have produced the richest felons in the world. We're talking some serious, mind bending change with lots of zeros. Now stay focused.

You need to get a real good internship once your classes start. That's where you case potential crime jobs as a rookie. Now don't get me wrong here, you are not really working, you're just casing the place out like a real pro. You find out who has the key to the treasury, how do they make up those big numbers, and how you can get into the game.

You need to change your clothes here to the thief special: a very nice 3 piece Baroni, Zegna, or even Brookes Brothers-type suit. Don't worry if you don't own one of those expensive, professional liar suits -- you can grab one real quick off Ebay.

Remember, the bigger the building, the bigger the criminal, so get into one of those really big buildings with a really big corporation and you're on your way to jet setting my friends. Its true, the biggest buildings in most downtowns are banks, but there are exceptions, you know, insurance companies for instance, there is money there too. They take money from cripples and never pay them back because the cripple is just too damn weak to do anything about it. You simply can't lose, got it? I knew you would.

Now, just start leisurely hanging with your other MBA friends at social events. After you get in good, soften 'em up with some of those college elixirs, and find out exactly what job is going down and where the money really is. Accounting and financial analysts need to do some crime screen scrubbing so find out who looks the most miserable, working long hours for the same salary as everyone else, and you know a job is going down. Keep your ears real close to operations and legal -- this is where the road to cold hard cash begins and ends.

Yeah, and don't forget legal will need your lies, so start practicin on them right away. Make sure they know you are jus' helping them out -- that way, you got legal in your pocket.

Next, get in on the investor trail. That's the real money trail, my students, because those MBA guys are good at getting money from investors and then they even charge them for taking that money. No, I am not joshing you.

Keep all of your friends on the surface and think of them as pure stepping stones, or mebbe like them big mutant transpo-roaches that need some of that beaten like your favorite rental car: they'll take you where you want to go. And then when its your time ... stab 'em in the back, crush 'em down real hard, and take 'em out. It happens every day, and check your conscious at the door, you wont need it for the big dough. Keep working the system till you are a very senior executive and then grab those purse strings like a cheap mugger.

Now, one thing to keep in mind and that's the IRS. You need to hire a good tax accountant, so that the government can't take all of your hard stolen booty. Don't even worry about being caught by any other authorities because they all know how to play that game show, you know, "The Price is Right." Believe me, the price is always rights. Besides, no judge or jury will ever convict you, they are too mystified to even understand the crime, and remember the FBI has a $10,000,000 dollar job heist limit, so keep each job under that number and no one will bother you. You with me?

Remember, your ultimate goal is to be labeled a business that is too big to fail, one that they say “poses systemic risk,” as though they were nudie girls or something. If you can get that label on your criminal operation, well lets just say, the pig trough you'll feed at will be so large you that could feed several third world countries for a generation (and you and your cronies too, of course, of course).

Now learn these words real quick so that you can talk the talk before you walk the walk.

Don't "lie," you simply “miscommunicate.” That's what they all say and, boy, does it work.

Say, “I don't remember” for, “I am lying but I won't say a thing.”

Use, “I am not certain,” instead of, “I need more time to make up a really big lie (usually for legal).”

Whisper, “politically charged,” instead of, “damn, other criminals are competing on my turf.”

State firmly, “our capital base is solid”, instead of, “oh man, are we bankrupt.”

Finally, you live in America, so remember the golden rule, he who has the gold makes the rules, and you are going to be making lots of rules, my students, maybe even at the U.S. Treasury.

Yeah, and so one day you can be jus' like me.

Elijah dot Swift at financialtrader.com

New Triple Leverage Fraud ETF, SCRU-U

7.26.2009

by Elijah Swift

MisDirexion Shares exchange traded funds (ETF) launches new Triple Leverage Fraud ETF, ticker symbol SCRU-U.  This balanced ETF holds positions in federally convicted, fraudulent companies such as IBM, AIG, FNM, FRE, and of course, no fraudulent ETF would be complete without TARP recipients Hartford (HIG), and inside trading beneficiaries Buffet's Bershire Hathaway, (BRKA).  SCRU-U aims to identify the Enrons, Lehmans, and WorldComs, before they become headlines so that investors can sleep easily knowing that they already own the dreaded portfolio 'bomb'.

Developed with complex, sophisticated chicanery this is a triple leverage ETF  where the underlying security falls in value as the market rises, and falls in value again as the market declines; thus delivering consistent returns to the investor with 3X results, previously unavailable to the unwitting.
 

Proprietary Investment Engine

SCU-U is designed to track the trading activity of the worlds largest fraudulent companies, chronic felons, corporate serial thieves, and corporate social derelicts. While the task of winnowing out the primary equities to hold for this ETF was formidable, particularly given the vast universe of qualified companies, MisDirexion Shares utilized its proprietary fraud engine and combed thousands of court databases and a vast wealth of dismissed investor complaints (primarily obtained via dumpster diving at the SEC).  Those corporations found most hostile to consumers, investors, environmental law, criminal law, and congressional inquiries were also slated for the funds investment.

Says CEO Thomas Dunlow, "We find AT&T's (T) total disregard for congressional investigations as the penultimate example of a core holding in SCRU-U.  We have initiated Citicorp, Bank America, and other banking firms but have failed to include vote hacking lobbyists renown in all manner of misfeasance and malfeasance." 

The funds administrators and managers will continue to be GoldmanSachs widely known for being the on-the-loose, nosing sheep in every investor's financial cabbage patch.
 

Elijah Swift
To contact the author, please write to first name dot last name at financialtrader.com

Obama Pardons: O.J., Madoff and Manson, Hires GW Bush as Constitutional Consultant

By Elijah Swift

7.20.2009

In a series of stunning revelations, financialtrader.com has learned that U.S. president Obama has issued pardons for O.J. Simpson, Charles Manson, and Bernie Madoff, not necessarily in that order. 

In an attempt to keep his platform of promises for change in America while looking forward rather than backward, the president states that a “consistent, reasoned approach” should follow recent administration decisions. 

Said the president, “...and since we are not really prosecuting any of the financial criminals it seems patently unfair to isolate a few otherwise contributing individuals that have meaningful skill sets the administration would like to see developed for the change of America.”

True to the president's word, Bernie Madoff has recently been placed inside the U.S. Treasury in hopes of selling more U.S. Treasuries Bonds designed to bilk Chinese, Japanese, and other foreign Treasury investors to support the president's aggressive deficit spending plans. 

Charles Manson—directly bypassing parole—was immediately given a consulting role on the president's Family Service teams, particularly as it relates to teen pregnancy, as recently discussed with the Pope, while O.J. is currently suiting up for a Department of Defense position as part of his rehabilitation assignment since the president admires that O.J. is the type of guy that will “get the job done.”

Constitution and Bible Rewrite

But it was the W. Bush appointment that really shook some heads, where the president stated eloquently, “the U.S. Constitution, like the Bible, is an old document that requires updating with the times. Given GW's penchant for calling the Constitution a 'governing obstacle' and just a 'gauldam piece of paper', we felt that he had the right attitude and right experience to invoke the type of change America needs.”

The president has gone on record to both liberals and conservatives alike for the creation of a new political party, which inside sources state will be the new Fraud Party. “Look, large government can be criminally effective just like any other large multinational banking organization, so lets be real here; fraud is now our new transparent party line.” This new political party will purportedly save the taxpayers enormous CYA tax dollars spent on covert operations, legal files, attorneys, stored emails, wire tapping, Bill of Rights obfuscations, and audit trails, as well as annoying citizen complaints.

To this end, the White House Chief of Staff has been seen recruiting top Wall Street investment banking executives where they are particularly impressed with the innovative creators of the liar loans, and the CFO's and CEO's that signed off on absurd risk management practices now bailed out by U.S. taxpayers.

Another document outside of the U.S. Constitution that the president espies is the biblical book of Genesis, where the president finds treatment of Sodom and Gomorrah in stark contrast to his gay rights agenda,  “absolutely distasteful and backward looking.”

“The Sodomites were experts in community organization,” said the president. “They were able to pursue their dreams with the visiting angels of Sodom regardless of sexual orientation or dated morals, and I find that a cause to celebrate rather than a cause of offense.”

In addition, the president believes that the God of the Bible was “Un-American and far too narrow minded”, when he rained down brimstone on the community for their greed and alleged sexual misconduct. “We will have no tolerance for this type of intolerance in my administration,” said the president.

Thus, the president is assembling a red team of redactors led by former Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, and former Vice President Dick Cheney, both of whom are now world renown experts in all types of documentation misrepresentation.

Gitmo & Marijuana Solution

Finally, in solving the Gitmo prisoner location crisis the president has formally nationalized the PETA organization (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) and placed several of the Gitmo detainees inside the organization stating that a U.S. based tax exempt terrorist organization was a perfect fit for the detainees, and any organization that holds animals in higher esteem than human beings is the ideal location for the Gitmo detainees.

On a happier note, in an effort to bail out the California budget deficit the president will soon be legally commercializing marijuana with an executive order (and a hefty user tax, of course) similar to the April 2009 wholesale tobacco tax made on behalf of Philip Morris and the tobacco lobby to reduce the small time growers competition.

The White house believes that the tax revenues generated from the commercialized crop will shorten the revenue gap for the country's largest economy. In a token effort, Michelle Obama was seen planting her own hemp garden on the White House lawn where the president has averred that the harvest will be given to the myriad of homeless in Washington D.C. to either aid them in starting their own weed distribution business, or help them consume the product and thus lessen the sting of their homeless plight and current financial, jobless condition.

Elijah Swift,

We make market order out of market chaos.©

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